I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sext me about skeletons
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
