I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
