Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
