remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your penis caused this!
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