im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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