So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
