Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
