everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
