When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
