We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
