I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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