Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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