He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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