god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
