so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
