You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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