Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
