man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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