i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wish there were birth control emojis
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
