I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
