I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
