the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
