I hate your face
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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