you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
