So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
