Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
