I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
