I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
