I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
