fuck your aforementioned shoe
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize