i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
