mondays should just be called national damage control day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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