I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
