A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
