I think I am morally bankrupt
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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