Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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