Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
