I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
