he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
