i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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