***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
