Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
