Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
