I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
