Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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