Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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