ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
