Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
