Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
