Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
