Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
