Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
