Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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