then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
