my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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