i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
