all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
