And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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