we have pet lesbian snakes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
