I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
