i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Help. Why am I so naked?
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