dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
