Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
