i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
