Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
