DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
