honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
