1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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