i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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