Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
