What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
