Nicole vs. Life
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
