Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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