We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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