I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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