Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
