It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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