I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
