I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
