connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
