I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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