went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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