i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
