so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
