I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
