i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
