Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
