i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
