every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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