how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize