she smelled like a LAN party
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
