ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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