Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
