JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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