Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
