i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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