Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize