I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
