so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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