just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
