who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
