that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
