I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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