I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
