she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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