She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
