He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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