i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you had me at cake vodka
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
