dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
