and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize